It´s funny how time works... last December I received the phone call I had wish for months... Mr. P called around 1:30 am... Drunk of course. The funny part (there is always a funny part) was that I was also a little (lot!) drunk, hanging out with friends. I really can´t tell you much about the phone call because right after; I proceeded to get even more drunk and silly with my friends. The thing I can tell you about it is that it lasted just about two minutes (I checked the timer the following morning) and txt messages followed that phone call, txt messages that said things I would have loved to hear months before... But that night, the phone call and the messages were plain annoying!!... No, let me rephrase that, they actually pissed me off... Big time!!! Why did he have to take so long? Why did he have to call drunk in the middle of the night? Why did he have to be such a... coward?
It took me about twenty days to be able to respond, we actually got to talk (over the phone) on Christmas day and something really strange happened: I found my self with very little to say (I guess that's what blogs are for). He on the other hand talked about how wonderful he's been doing and how great he is at work... He even dared to mention the "dates" he's been on... man, sometimes I wonder how I was able to date this guy for so long. He obviously does not care much about anyone else but himself. Given, he was generous with me when we were together, but giving money and/or buying things for another person does not necessarily means that someone "cares"... that just sounds like "paying" to me...
It's gonna be almost a year since I moved out and I find myself with mixed feelings. Sometimes I think I can and could be nice to him, but every time I do and or say something nice is followed by days -even weeks- of me just wanting to tell him the good old "fuck you"
Today I had a realization: All the things that he complained about me are -mostly- what define women... Sure I'm not passionate about politics, but I can have a conversation with you about what's going on in the world, and if I don't know I'm happy to learn. Sure I'm not passionate about economics, but If you tell me a book is great (like Freakonomics) I will get lost in it... The only thing I want is someone to play ball with me... Seriously, I don't expect my partner to talk about make up (that would be just wrong), or to talk with me about, feelings, cramps, hormones, food, workouts, diets, friendships, family, etc, etc, all the time!!! That's why I have GIRLFRIENDS (and mom and sis)... with them I get to do the things I don't get to do with my partner, but I would like to have someone that would talk with me about religion, psychology, human behavior, experiences in life, theories (and my family and my feelings sometimes) without forgetting to have lots of playtime and lovetime... basically, somebody willing to throw the ball back to me. Mr. P was just not willing to play ball. He wanted to change every thing that makes me who I am... Not perfect... but you know what? always willing to play.
It was a little over a year ago when it became clear to me that he was not willing to move one foot in order to meet me half way and almost a year since I moved out of "our" (it was always his) place... and you know what else? He can just go and... fuck off!
I hope I can soon stop writing about what I am still going through/thinking and start writing about how great I am :)... (OK let me stop right here; I'm actually doing great. I've been hanging out with my friends who, by the way, introduced me to someone that I've been dating for a few months, who has introduced me to a bunch of other people, and taken me to many dozens of dinners and social events and trips... Nothing serious but it has been soo fun! I've been taking things one day at the time, today is about having fun... and tomorrow too! But no one really wants to read about that... unless there is drama) It has been great to be me!!!... exploring the New York cuisine has been just... AWESOME!
What I can actually tell you today is that if I die tomorrow at least my tummy has been the happiest of them all, eating little (the braces don't allow much) but tasting everything!!!
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