Game Over Part#1

To "date" is one of the most difficult things for me to do. Even after being in this country since 2002 the dating scene is an art that I can't seem to be able to master. To me feels like learning another language that without practice is forgotten. Growing up, dating meant having a boyfriend. I never dated the "American way" until after my divorce with LG (short for La Garbage!!) in 2004 (the divorce was actually final in 2005)... kinda late if you ask me. The only time my "dating game" got pretty good -actually awesome- was when I was not interested on dating. It amused me to go out with someone and never call him again... or answer his phone calls! It sounds pretty bad, but what can I say; I had gotten so heart broken that I was done with love... DONE! Made fun of love, couples, corny movies, marriage (for love of course), fidelity... everything that had to do, or was related with love for many years. My only concern was having fun and having, well, just sex (OMG!!). No strings attached. Friendships with benefits. It was a very convenient life... did not have to worry/care about The Other. Just me, me, and me. I couldn't help but to wonder why romantic relationships felt so unnatural to me. I was sure I would never, ever, be able to love again... born alone, die alone was my motto...and still is to some extent... During this time went back to school and threw my self into my books, classes, activities, and also worked super hard (every weekend, Thu- Sun; I would drive for an hour -or more- to Dublin Pleasanton, Northern CA. Park my car, and then ride the Bart for about 1:30 min to SFO to start working at 9:30 am). This period was also filled with uncertainty: I did not know if I was able to stay in this country (I left LG before two years of marriage which are basically REQUIRED by Immigration), so any kind of long commitments were out of the picture. And with all this things going on, little by little; I started getting closer and closer to my immediate family, which was the only type of love and support that I fully understood...